photo by Jimmy Hemphill: flickr.com/photos/jimmah_v
While they were talking, Jesus himself came near and went with them, but their eyes were kept from recognizing him … Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him and he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road?” (Luke 24:15-16, 31-32; NRSV)
Most of us remember clearly the first time our mother or father or spouse didn’t recognize us, couldn’t recall our name, or thought we were someone else. This is one of the most painful experiences for a caregiver of someone with dementia.
It is devastating not because of the experience alone, but because we know it is only the first evidence of an ever-enlarging blind spot. It is a sign of things to come. We realize in that moment that our loved one is losing the ability to recognize us. And a progressive neurological disease is diminishing their capacities to such an extent that they will gradually become unrecognizable to us as the person they were before. We are vanishing from one another’s sight.
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In the gospel story on the road to Emmaus, the resurrected Jesus walks along with two of his disciples, but they do not recognize him. There is a long conversation that lasts until evening. Finally arriving at their destination, they invite Jesus to stay with them for the night. Only when he blesses and breaks the bread for the evening meal do they recognize who he is. And then he vanishes.
After that instant of recognition, now alone again, the disciples think back to the conversation along the road. They say, “Weren’t our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us? Ah yes! We should have known it was Jesus by that inner sense, that warmth in our hearts!”
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We commonly believe that a conscious, outer-sense recognition of someone causes the inner sense of familiarity — the arising within of affectionate feelings or passion. But this story reminds us that the reverse may also occur. The inner warmth of familiar affection may come first, and it may come alone, without any outward sense of recognition.
If your loved one with dementia does not recognize you, recall this Emmaus story and be reassured. Though they don’t seem to know you, their hearts may be burning within. And the same Jesus who walked the road to Emmaus walks unrecognized with both of you this day.
