photo by Jimmy Hemphill: flickr.com/photos/jimmah_v
Jesus has just fed a crowd of 4000 people with seven loaves and a few fish. Afterward he and his twelve closest disciples get into a boat to go to Dalmanutha. Upon arrival there, the Pharisees ask him for a sign to test him. (Don’t they remember what just happened? Wasn’t that miracle enough?) At any rate, Jesus refuses their demand for a sign.
Then he and the twelve take the boat again to the other side of the lake. Along the way, the disciples realize they have only one loaf of bread, and when Jesus says, “Beware the yeast of the Pharisees,” they think he is concerned about their lack of bread.
His response, “…Do you have eyes, and fail to see? Do you have ears, and fail to hear? And do you not remember?…” seems full of exasperation. (If I were a Bible editor I would insert an exclamation point after every question mark here – to get at the likely tone of voice.) He is speaking of spiritual things, and they are stuck in the material world. It probably was easier for him to accept the Pharisees’ dullness than to be so misunderstood by those closest to him.
If you are a caregiver of someone with short-term memory problems, I’m sure you can identify with Jesus here. When someone close to you doesn’t remember what just happened, or doesn’t understand it, it can be hard to accept. At first you may think they’re playing a game, or trying to manipulate you. It takes time to realize you are witnessing a wounded brain at work.
If you suffer from memory loss, you may have said some of these things to yourself, sounding a lot like an exasperated Jesus as you tried your best to remember something that used to be accessible to you. Now it just stays in memory-limbo, never coming again to the surface of your thinking. “Don’t you remember?!” says the little voice in your head.
So regardless of how memory loss plays a role in your life, Jesus’ words and exasperation may be all too familiar.
The good news here is that identifying with Jesus is a powerful thing, regardless of how that identification appears. As an example, remember the centurion whose servant Jesus healed from a distance. Jesus was amazed by his faith, and his faith came from identifying with Jesus’ authority. He said, “I also am a man under authority, with soldiers under me; and I say to one ‘Go’ and he goes …”
In our case, we can say “I also feel exasperation.” (I admit that exasperation doesn’t sound as inspiring as authority, but give it a try anyway.) If Jesus felt exasperation, it’s okay. He’s made it holy, or demonstrated that it can be divinely human to feel it. You’re not an awful person for feeling exasperated, or even for adding exclamation points to your questions.
If you can accept your feelings, seeing them as holy friends rather than as enemies, you will be better able to deal with what is in front of you – memory loss – in a more patient way. Try to remember that your frustration is with the disease and its consequences (memory loss) rather than with the person – as Jesus was exasperated by material-mindedness rather than by the individuals caught up in it.
